My life seems like a constant struggle between what I currently am and what I long to be. I currently long to be thin. Really, I have no set number as to what "thin" is I just know it is not what I am now. I often wonder if I will ever really achieve this goal. It all comes down to want this perfect body. I know that there is no such thing as perfect, yet I still strive for it. I have been able to accomplish everything else in my life I have wanted to except lose this damn weight. I have this obsession with food. I eat when I am happy, I eat when I am bored, I eat when I am stressed. Let's face I just eat all the time! It has gotten a lot better and I have tried to really listen to actual hunger pains vs. emotional cravings, but a lot of times those cravings win.

At lunch today I had probably had about 4 servings of mashed potatoes, 1 slice turkey, some zucchini, 2 rolls, i bowl of tomato/rice soup with 8 crackers, 1 little (probably the correct serving size) piece of yellow cake with chocolate frosting, and 3 scoops of chocolate ice cream with crumbled oreos. This is an insane amount of food and I probably could have gone back for more. Why? I am not really sure. I guess it was the sure quantity of food and the fact that I could have as much of it as I wanted. I paid for it big time. My stomach hurt when I went back to my desk and wanted to take a long nap.

I have said this before and I will say it again. My one saving grace is that I am basically obsessed with the gym. I don't even want to think where I would be if I didn't go the gym.

I really want to lose this weight and I need to step it up. I was doing so well 2 weeks ago and then I will have one bad meal and it is all down hill from there. Today was supposed to be the day I got back on track. I guess it will have to be tomorrow. Here is to a new day.

Please excuse the lack of posting. I have been quite busy. My eating has been pretty out of control for the past month or so. I am back into the 220's which is not good. I just got back from almost a week in Denver and I am ready to get back into the swing of things. While I was there so many people complimented me on how great I look. That was some much needed motivation.

I have been eating within my points range both yesterday and today. I also made it to the gym today for over an hour and a half.

I really would like to lose 20 pounds. I think I am going to start looking at it in smaller incraments. I also printed out my hard copy of my journals for the next 3 weeks. I definitly do a lot better when I write everything down.

I had this ah ha moment at the gym when I found the perfect lyrics to describe how I had been feeling a lot lately. I just updated my iPod last night so I finally got to listen to all the new CDs I had bought over the summer closer and not just on speakers at my desk.

I was listening to the new Jason Mraz album: Mr. A-Z and "Song For a Friend" came on and part of this song just seemed so perfect for how I have been feeling:

"if you stumble on to something better
you better remember that it's humble that you seek
you got all the skill you need
individuality
you got something call it gumption
call it anything you want
because when you play the fool now you're only fooling everyone else "

I know his CD hasn't gotten rave reviews, but I think you should seriously check it out if you haven't already.

I have come to a realization that this weight loss journey needs to be about myself. I am doing this for me and not anyone else. I think I started my jounrey out with this reasoning, but I think it has slowly taken a turn down the wrong road. I think I still want to do this for myself, but also these new reasons have started popping up, that I am not necessarily ok with any more- To make so and so jealous or so and so will be sorry they turned me down, etc. My new goal besides doing this to healthier is to try not to think about what other people are thinking about me and my weight loss journey.

I am pretty sure this week will not be good on the scale. I did not weigh in last week and I haven't been sticking to my points range. I have however been keeping up with my excercise.

I recomitted with dinner tonight. I had a 3 point grilled cheese with 2 points of baked french fries and 1 point were of peas. For a little snack I had some fat free cottage cheese with 1 point worth of canned fruit.

I think I will either go to the store on Saturday or Sunday. I have a smart ones for lunch with some extra veggies, canned fruit, and a tomato and green pepper salad.

I stepped on the scale and it said 229! Yikes. That is pretty high considering 9 days ago I was at 217. I am sure a lot of it is water or some other crap like that.

I can do this!

I really need to step it up. I need to keep portion control in check and emotional eating in check as well. I didn't weigh in this week because I was traveling yesterday for work. I will weigh in next Tuesday. Hopefully I can stay at 220. I slowly see my hopes of being 210 by Red Rocks slip away.

One of my co-workers who needs to lose 100+ pounds has started excercising and eating better. I think it will be a good source of encouragement for both of us. Also, I will continue to send my jounrals to my friend Manda.

This would be me two weeks ago at about 220. No longer morbidly obese and weighing the weight that is actually on my drivers license. 

A little comparison pic that I tried to post back in March, but picasa was being stupid. 

I have had a pretty good week and a pretty good weekend. I made it to the gym 6 days in a row. I took yesterday off to give myself a break even though I really wanted to go. I have started working out in the mornings before I go to work. This means waking up at the ass crack of dawn so I can work out as long as I want to. Tomorrow will start my third week of doing this. I usually work out in the mornings on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I workout in the evenings afterwork. However, this week I am going to have to work out everyday in the morning because I have some concerts and a movie to go to this week.

I am really having some emotional/mental issues dealing with some new attention that I have been recieving when I go out. A year and a half ago this would have never happened. I also wasn't going out nearly as much as I am now. Basically guys are starting to notice me more and I am not really sure how to deal with it. So, in Sarah's way of dealing I have pretty much been a bitch to them. Probably not the best way to deal with it, but that's what I have been doing. Also, I am struggling with the fact that I had admired someone from afar like 2 years ago and now he has started talking to me. But you know what? He is definitly not worth my time. Basically I looked hott last night. I felt good about myself and had a good time with my girls.

My goal is to lose 10 lbs by the time I go to Red Rocks in September and see a bunch of people I haven't seen in a year.

I am not really sure this post made any sense at all to anyone but myself.

I really need to start updating more regularly. Anyway, I am down to 223. This is my lowest weight thus far along the journey. 2 more pounds and I will no longer be morbidly obese, I will just be obese. 3 more pounds and I will actually weigh the correct weight on my driver's license.

I have started running again. I am now on my 3rd week. I usually walk a mile at 4 mph and then run at about 6 mph. I usually run for about 2 miles this way or sometimes I even make it up to 3. I feel like I can really see more definition in my legs.

Anyway, September 9-11 I will be at Red Rocks in Colorado seeing the DMB. This will also be the first time in about a year that I have seen some of my DMB friends. I would like to use about 10 more pounds by the time I go out there.

This has been a pretty random post. Hopefully this weekend I will be able to update the stats and such.

So I guess the only good thing I did today was make it to the gym. The day started out with a lemon poppyseed muffin. Ok, so I know it's not the best thing to have for breakfast, but it was so damn good! For lunch I did pretty well. I had chicken noodle soup and extra veggies. I also had baked lays, a string cheese, and a granola bar. The bad part of my afternoon came when I had some nachos from the concession stand. Uggggh! I did fine for dinner except now I want some desert.

At the gym I did about 35 minutes of weights and 27 minutes on the treadmill for 2.5 miles.

I am still here. Sometimes I just need a break. I have stayed withing 224-226. Now I just need to get out of the 220's and into the 210's. Once that happens, I will no longer be morbidly obese. I will just be obese.

I have started running again. Last week was my first week. I have alternated running and walking at 4.0 and 6.0 mph speeds. I know I can run faster, but I didn't want to overdue it. Yesterday and today I ran 2 miles straight at 6.0 mph so that was a 10 minute mile. Hopefully I can keep it up. I have been bringing my lunch to work and only eating out once a week for lunch at work which saves money and calories.

I will try better to keep you all updated about my progress.

For the past few days I have been doing pretty well staying within my points range and getting excercise in. However, last night I let loose and drank A LOT of alcohol and ate so many chocolate chip cookies and peanut butter brownies. I wasn't going to go to the gym today, but after sleeping in until 1, I couldn't jut lounge around all afternoon. I went to the gym and did some cardio for an hour and 40 minutes. I walked over 2 miles on the treadmill for 35 minutes. I then got on the elliptical machine for a hour and 5 minutes.

I read a really interesting aticle in Time magazine while at the gym and losing weight. I will elaborate some more on it later.

I stayed with in my points range with the help of activity points. I would say the only thing that was not such a smart choice was the sausage biscuit I had. No one forced me to eat it, but I was offered it and man do I love sausage biscuits.

I can already tell that a full time desk job is going to be a struggle eating wise. As long as I plan out my meals and snacks I should be ok. I also need to limit the amount of times a week I eat out. It will definitly help my wastline and my budget if pack my lunch and don't eat dinner out as much.

After work I went to the gym and man was I sore from yesterday! I worked out with weights for 30 minutes and cardio for 60 minutes. I haven't yet decided what my excercise plan will be for the weekend. I do know that I will be drinking tomorrow... a lot!

Readers, if I have any left, It has been a while. Graduation from school and the job hunt has been crazy. Basically for the month of May. I had no eating or excercise plan what-so-ever. That would explain why the scale read 230 on Tuesday. So with the start of my new job (I am a booking coordinator at an arena) I have also am trying to eat better and get in my routine of going to the gym. I went to the gym on Tuesday and Today. I am going to try to go every day after work. I really missed it. On Tuesday I went for about an hour and 15 minutes and today I went for an hour and a half. I did 30 minutes of weights and an hour of cardio tonight. I don't want to push myself too hard since I am just getting back into the swing of things. I was sore yesterday.

If there is one part of my body that felt like it went to flab the quickest, it was definitly my abs. I need to get those bad boys back in shape.

Ok, I am really going to make an attempt to post more now and catch up with my blog reading =) I hope you all are doing well with your weight loss!

So on Sunday I really started back on plan. I started journaling and planning meals. I took my lunch on Monday too! I also decided I wasn't going to eat out for 7 days. I looked at my Visa bill and I just eat out entirely too much. It's not like I don't have the money to eat out, it is just that I could spending that on other things or making healthier food. So today I brought my lunch. My boss comes up to my desk and says that they are ordering Chinese food and the Dean is paying. So I decided in this case "eating out" would be ok. I had some sesame chicken and rice. I also had 1/2 an egg roll. The reason I only had half was because it did not taste very good. I definitly did no over eat. I also made it to the gym for an hour today too for some cardio action! My roomate just asked me what I was doing for dinner. She was trying to get me to go out, beut I decline. I can make something here and it will be just as good or even better and at least half the price. She likes to eat out a lot because she can't cook ;)

On the scale on Tuesday I was 233. Yikes that is 5 lbs higher then my lowest weight. It is also that time of the month. Hopefully the number will go down on Tuesday =)

Basically Blogger is making me mad. It seems like it has lost the last couple of posts I have tried to post on the site or at my other blog. So I weighed 232 on Tuesday. Definitly not good. It is also not good that I had a pretty much all out drinking and eating fest Friday-Saturday. Oh well, the food from craker barel was damn good and I haven't had it in eons. Well, I broke out the old journal. I really did my best when I kept track of everything that went into my mouth. So, I am giving it a shot again. I have just been so busy the past couple of days that I haven't had a chance to get to the gym. I am going in a few minutes and I can't wait!

I don't think I planned to have two dinners yesterday, but it just happened that way. And both of them included frenchfries. Yikes! One was like at 4 and the other was like at 7:30. Oh well. Today is a new day.

A new day it is. After work I went to the gym and worked out with weights for about an hour. I only did 15 minutes of cardio, 5 of which I ran. I really would like to start running more. I made a quesadilla with refried beans, a little burrito seasoning, and some tomatoes, and NO cheese for lunch. I also had some grapes and some corn.

I need to finish some HW. Let's hope tomorrow's weigh in will be pretty!

So yesterday I made it to the gym after my night class. I did about a half hour of weight training and 25 minutes of cardio. My eating was not the best considering I finished off the bag of York peppermint patties my mom had given me for Easter. I was well prepared for the scale to show a gain this morning considering my splurges over the break, but I mantained at 228 lbs. I went to the gym after my 8 AM class and did an intense hour of weights. While I was using dumbells a girl stopped to tell me how great I looked. She is in the same sorority as on of my old roomates and I had met her before, but that is pretty much it. She just told me she could really see a change and she thought I looked great. I thanked her, but I find it still hard to accept compliments from people. I am not really sure what else to say besides thank you.

So after I get off work I am going to finish my work out with some cardio actions.

So far today I have been doing great point wise. I had oatmeal for breakfast and I made grilled cheese and ham for my roomate and I before we left for class. I just need to get a snack in. I might go buy a piece of fruit and a soda. I hope everyone is having a wonderful day!

This is a continuation of my Easter break at home. So on Thursday I met with my trainer. I got in about 10 minutes of cardio before we started weight training. He said he could definitly tell a difference in the way I looked. I of course wanted to get on the scale at the gym to see my progress. The scale at the gym where we work out always seems to be pretty generous. It had me weighing in at 226. I guess in the gran scheme of things it is only a number. I had a great workout. I have definitly increased the amount of weight I can lift since the last time we worked out, so I am very happy about that. After the work out I went home and put a second coat of primer on the family room walls. That was definitly a work out. I remembered how much I hated painting and why I hadn't done it for like 3 years. I ran some errands in the afternoon and just crashed in the evening. I did get up to watch the WVU game though.

Friday was suit shopping day. My mom gave me her credit card and her friend went with me. We went to Kaufmann's and found SEPERATES that worked perfectly. I was a misses size 16 jacket and a misses size 18 skirt. We then headed to talbots where I got the softest silk blouse and a pair of pants. The pants were $118 and I later decided I had a pair of black pants that would work, so I asked my mom to take them back. I just couldn't justify spending all that money on a pair of pants I might only wear a few times due to the weightloss. I got some basic black shoes from payless because apparently 11s are hard to come by anywhere else. We then had lunch at one of my favorite restaurants in Charleston. I had my chargrilled chicken julienne salad with dill dressing and I indulged in about 4 pieces of bread, but it was damn worth it.

Saturday we had an early easter brunch at my mom's friend's house and then we watched the WVU game. It was nice and there was some good food there and it was all pretty healthy. On Sunday I hit the road back to Nashville.

When I got back to Nashville my roomate was craving pancakes so we went out in search of an IHOP. We found one that was open and we had a nice Easter dinner of pancakes.

So Out of my whole easter break the only days I did not hit the gym were on Saturday and Sunday. I would say that is pretty good and I am pretty proud of myself =)

If only tomorrow's weigh in will go as well as it did last week. So, I went home on Tuesday for Easter break and suprised my mom. That would explain the lack of posting. For a travel day on Thursday I did an amazing job of staying within points. Usually I splurge and go all out at Wendy's of McDonoalds. This time I ordered the fruit salad and yogurt from Wendy's and a grilled chicken. I think I would just get the fruit salad next time. That thing is pretty good, but it is also expensive for what you get! You are totally paying for convenience. I went to the gym on Wednesday and did pretty well point wise except for the chips and salsa I had at Chilli's with my mom. It is sort of a tradition, we go to the Huntington mall and we go to dinner at Chilli's. It is a good thing I don't go home too often.

The whole purpose of going to the mall was to get a suit for job interviews. Well Macy's suit selection sucks and I am in between sizes which sucks too. A 14W jacket is WAY too big, but I need a 16W pant or skirt. Basically I can't buy one of those matched set deals because my top is smaller than my bottom. I got sick of trying on suits so I tried on prom dresses. I fell in love with this Jessica Mclintock size 16 off white dress that was like a wedding dress. No way would I have worn it to the prom, but it would have made a nice wedding dress for someone.

Ok, more to come later. I need to finish some HW.

Can we sasy 228??? I can! And that is what the scale said this morning. I just need to keep it up! One thing that has helped me is to prepare my meals in advance. If I am making pasta, I just make another serving, same goes with chicken etc. Then, I just re-heat it the next day! I think it taste better than frozen meals, plus I get more food!

I forgot to tell you all that I was asked to be on my department's intermural softball team! This should be fun. I just hope game aren't on Monday nights when I have night classes.

Soup at Hand Vegetable Medley is G-R-O-S-S!!!!!!!!!!! It takes like baby food. I should have known better than buying vegetable soupd that you can drink through a hole about the size of a pencil eraser.

Oh yeah I went to the gym today for a little over 2 hours. 55 minutes of weights. 35 minutes on the bike and 35 minutes on the elliptical. I am sore, but I know it is worth it =)

So I have been to the gym the past 5 days. I would say that is pretty good for me considering my less then commendable gym attendance this semester.

I was there for over 2 hours today. I did my full weight circuit which I haven't done in almost 2 weeks. It felt so good. Hopefully I won't be too sore tomorrow. I rode the bike for 35 minutes and I was on the elliptical for 50 minutes.

I so wanted a snack 30 minutes ago. I think I wanted it because I was bored. That past and I am fine. I am just counting down the time until bed.

I also thought about the fact that I just want to be skinny. I'd like to know what it's like. I know what it's like to be fat and well I obviously don't like it or wouldn't be doing this whole weight loss thing. I would just like to be able to walk into any store and be able to fit into anything. Yes, I just want to be skinny.

I went to the gym today and it felt so good. I only did cardio for a hour, no weights. Hopefully I will be able to add weights back to my work out tomorrow. I am still sick with a runny nose now and I want it to just go away!

I have decided I am going to try to limit my intake of snacky type foods. So I have thrown away chips, crackers, etc. I took home a bunch of Nutri Grain bars, but I did keep a few here in case of emergency. This is not to say that I am never going to have a chip again. For a while I just won't be buying them from the grocery store. They are a constant source of over eating for me. I am going to try to incorporate more fresh fruit and veggies.

I haven't gone "real" grocery shopping in a while. I say real because I went last night and bought a mini digiorno pizza, and the new B&J DMB ice cream. Talk about a weight watchers approved dinner. haha. I am sick and that's what I wanted. The ice cream is pretty good, but I still think otameal chunk or chocolate fudge brownie are my favorites. Anyway, I looked in my cupboards and I really do have a wide variety of food, I just choose not to do anything with it. I have mostly been eating frozen meals, which is probably not the best thing. Hopefully, I can start making more of my meals instead of re-heating them from a box =)

I went to the gym today and it felt so good. I only did cardio for a hour, no weights. Hopefully I will be able to add weights back to my work out tomorrow. I am still sick with a runny nose now and I want it to just go away!

I have decided I am going to try to limit my intake of snacky type foods. So I have thrown away chips, crackers, etc. I took home a bunch of Nutri Grain bars, but I did keep a few here in case of emergency. This is not to say that I am never going to have a chip again. For a while I just won't be buying them from the grocery store. They are a constant source of over eating for me. I am going to try to incorporate more fresh fruit and veggies.

I haven't gone "real" grocery shopping in a while. I say real because I went last night and bought a mini digiorno pizza, and the new B&J DMB ice cream. Talk about a weight watchers approved dinner. haha. I am sick and that's what I wanted. The ice cream is pretty good, but I still think otameal chunk or chocolate fudge brownie are my favorites. Anyway, I looked in my cupboards and I really do have a wide variety of food, I just choose not to do anything with it. I have mostly been eating frozen meals, which is probably not the best thing. Hopefully, I can start making more of my meals instead of re-heating them from a box =)

I posted this to my other blog a few days ago. This was me on Saturday at my friend's wedding. I was a bridesmaid. For right now it is the most current picture I have. 

I have been sick. When I am sick I don't eat. So, this morning I weighed 230, but I know that is not very accurate. I just need to work on getting better so I can get back to the gym =)

Wow, a post! I am so sorry to any of my readers (hmm I wonder if I really have any) who have not been updated recently to my goings on.

I am at home for spring break. I am in the 235 lb range. Not really where I want to be, but I will deal with it. For the most part I have maintained. My weight has fluctuated a few pounds, but it is not like my clothes no longer fit. I would really like to graduate in May and no longer be consider "morbidly obese." In order to do that I must be 221 lb. I know it is just a number and a classification, but still it would be nice to achieve.

I have pretty much been struggling since the end of September to lose any more weight. My lowest thus far was 231 lbs and that was just a few weeks ago. That was after a week of staying on plan. I have no clue why I didn't continue with it. So today I started again. I have been watching my points. While I haven't journaled, I have been mentally keeping tabs. The only thing that I have had today that I wouldn't consider all that great was real ranch dip for my carrots. I would almost assume not eat them if I had to use something else. I am going out to dinner with my family and I am planning on a salad. I hope that it will be big enough so that I can take half of it home for lunch tomorrow.

So the wedding is on Saturday and the bridesmaid dress still fits! In fact it is a little too big in the bust, but if I hold my chest right it fits just find. There is no way I am paying for alterations on that dress!!! I just hope they have veggies at the reception =)

I am seriously stuffed right now. So my plan was to make pasta for dinner tonight. While I was making pasta I decided to have a turkey sandwich and that led to some baked cheetos. I had dumped the pasta in so I thought I would eat that too. Well, by the time the pasta was done, I was stuffed. So I dumped the sauce on the pasta and through inthe peppers and onions and put it in a container for luch tomorrow. Go me! A year ago I probably would have eaten the pasta even though I was stuffed and then chowed down on something else.

Did I mention that I went to the gym this morning? I don't think I did. It was great. I lifted weights for an hour and cardio for 45 minutes. It sure did feel good! I love squats!

Let's see. It has been a while since I have updated. Usually that means I am not doing so hot in the weight loss department which is true right now. I have just been so busy and haven't been making it to the gym as much as I would like to. Also, when I am busy I eat crap. So those two things combined have brought my weight back up to 235.

I have had a very stressful couple of weeks, but my eating and excercise habits over those weeks is not excused.

So, I found a fun way to help keep me accountable. It is the 2005 Self Challenge! You don't have to be a subscriber of the magazine, so a take a look and if it seems like something you would be interested in, I encourage you to join. The end of week 1 is tomorrow.

I was thinking today about what made last year so much easier then now. Well, I was only going to class. I wasn't interning. I wasn't working. The only thing I had to focus on was eating and working out at the gym. Man was I lucky! I now realize how much effort losing weight actually takes--a lot! Well I am in this for the long haul and even thought I get discouraged every once in a while, I have come quite a ways!

2 weeks from today I will be a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding from home. I hope the dress fits. I haven't really gained or lost any weight since I ordered it in December. I also hope the shoes my mom bought fit me =)

Umm yeah so I weighed 235 this morning. Yeah I need to work on this whole weight loss thing. I AM GOING TO THE GYM WHEN I GET OFF WORK TOMORROW! I did not go today and I did not go yesterday. I need to step it up!

Umm, yeah so I don't even want to step on the scale tomorrow morning. I already know it will not be good. I just hope I am still in the 230's! I definitly need to get back on the horse. I fell off the horse 2 weeks ago and I was left by the road.

I can't go to the gym tomorrow after class so I am going to have to go after I get off owrk at 6.

Hope you all have been doing well!

Sometimes I wonder why I am doing this whole weight loss thing. It seems like I have done nothing right this week. I went to the gym on Monday and Tuesday and that's it. Today I have had chicken fingers, onion rings, and 2 donoughts AND I am going to macoroni grill tonight for dinner. I am going to enjoy it just like I have enjoyed all the other food I ate today. Tomorrow I will be back at the gym.

Sometimes I really don't know why I do the things I do. I was soooo good my first week back on plan. Last week=not so good. That would explain the 1 lb gain putting me at 232. I want this so badly, but sometimes I am just so tired of working for it. I pretty much have everything I could want in my life right now except for my weight issue. So instead of re-dedicating myself to the program I totally eat off plan today- brownies, girl scout cookies, a burrito, chips, a huge rice krispy treat, etc. Plus, I only went to the gym for 35 minutes of cardio.

I am working a lot this week too, so I am really going to have to make time for the gym.

Here is the article from my school newspaper about weight training:

Ladies, get off that treadmill

"Hang up your cell phones and pick up a weight. I know you're scared of those heavy metal things that we men call dumbbells- especially the ones that aren't coated in pink rubber.

"I know, I've heard it a million times, "But I'll get big"..."I don't want to get bulky"... Waaah, waaah, waaah! Frankly, I'm tired of the whinning. I don't know how you girls grow so big and fast, so easily. Even I, with the excess of free testosterone that flows within me, can't grow as easily as you women supposedly do.

"Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Bob Smith. I'm an excercise science major- for what it's worth. I think every girl should learn how to properly squat and eat red meat. From now on you need to listen to me. First, I'm going to dispel a couple big myths surrounding the issue and then offer tips that will help empower you to make a visually noticeable change to your body.

MYTHS
"If I lift weights I'll turn into a Russian prison guard named Olga."
No you won't... 1) Women have less Type II muscle fibers than men. These are fibers responsible for the most growth. On top of that, the ones women have are smaller; 2) Women also have 10 times less testosterone than men (except for maybe the dirty-haired, Ramen Noodle-eating, HALO-playing couch potato dude). Testosterone is largely responsible for increased protein synthesis (more muscle) in men; 3) Women also have more body fat than men (once again, except possibly the X-box dork). Fat takes up more space on the body. As a woman trains, her body fat percentage will drop, creating a more slender and lean appearance.

"Okay, I'll lift extra lite for super high reps so I can get that long, lean, toned look I hear so much about on the infomercials."
This one makes me want to curse! We all need to quit watching those Windsor Pilates infomercials. 1) You need to pick up a weight that's challenging. This would be a dumbbell that weighs more than your Nalgen bottle. You wont reshape anything until you achieve a certain amount of micro trauma in the muscle fibers. This means using challenging weights; 2) A higher intensity releases more fat burning hormones; 3) Light weights burn les calories and do not improve metabolism or insulin sensitivity as much as heavier loads; 4) Heavier weights will target more muscle fibers. The additional growth will indirectly enhance fat burning around the clock; 5) Heavier loads will promote more bone density and prevent osteoporosis.

"So here's my advice: 1) Spen more time on compound movements, such as rows, deadlifts, and bench press and less time on muscle isolation work. This will improve your overall body composition. Get either me or my friend "Joe" to show you how; 2) Ditch the "tea kettle" side bends; you can't spot reduce yourself into an hourglass figure; 3) Do less cardio and eat more. The hypothalmus is smart. I'll take your efforts and throw them right back into your face. You can't run and starve yourself into a firm body. However, you can run and starve yourself into a crawling metabolism and elevated cortisol levels; 4) Drink more watr, duh. Eat more protien. The extra fat loss from a higher-protien diet will make you laugh at the measly Food Pyramid recommendations. 5) Don't buy stupid, ineffective supplements like cortislim. Achieving good health and visually pleasing body it a lifestyle choice, not a 3-day supply of magic pills.

"The famale-to-male ration in the "Your School Gym" is easily 2:1. That's great for us guys, (inspiration) and greater for you girls, who have the hardest part down-the discipline. You've overcome one of the biggest challenges we all face: making the time during your busy schedule to be there. I implore you to use your time wisely and take these necessary steps to remodel you feminin physique."

Have you done your squats today????????????????

I am such a stress eater. That would explain the fact why I just snarffed down about 6 brownies and 5 samoa cookies. The onlythink healthy about what I just ate was the glass of skim milk I just drank with it all. ahhahaha!

Oh man it has been rough this week. I did really well last week and I haven't done so hot this week. I went to the gym on Tuesday and Friday, but I didn't make it on Thursday or Today due to being so busy. I am going tomorrow afternoon though.

I also bought girl scout cookies today. I definitly did not need 11 points worth of somoas. Tomorrow is a new day. I have done extremely well not eating after 9 PM though.

I think it is really interesting to see how other people think they can lose weight. One girl who I work with is now on a big water kick because it is supposed to help you lose weight. I think it helps to drink water because you don't drink soda, but if all we had to do to lose weight was drink water, no one would have a weight problem.

There was an excellent article in my school newspaper about weight training and how more females should do it. I couldn't agree more. I am not going to end up looking like Arnold and 5 lb weights don't do jack. As the article said "you need to lift more than the weight of your Nalgen bottle."

Ok, I am off to bed =)

Eating hasn't been so great today. I had a WW bagel and veggie cream cheese. When I got to wrk I proceeded to eat 2 snack size smores candy bars AND a gronola bar. All of which were not in my plan for the day. I did however pack my lunch so that was a plus. I ate my veggies and pasta and I still have my yougurt and apple for a snack later. Now I am just sitting at work bored out of my mind. I am going to try to make it to the gym after work even if it is just for a little bit. I think I will just walk on the treadmill or do light weights.

231 baby! Just a quick update. I need to get back to studying bio =( I have a feeling I will not be doing too well on this test.

God definitly told me I did not need a muffin this morning. I switched my schedule up a little bit this morning because I am stressed out and couldn't handle sitting at a desk at work surfing the internet when I could be more productive at my apartment. So I went to the gym at 7 AM this morning and stopped by my office to pick some stuff up. On the way back I stopped by one of the cafes on campus and I was going to get a diet coke and a poppyseed muffin even though I really don't need the poppy seed muffin. Well they didn't have any and my choices were blueberry and chocolate. I had my heart set on a poppyseed and I decided since they didn't have one I wasn't going to compromise. Now I am drinking my diet coke and eating my apple cinnamon oatmeal =)

I made it another night of not eating after 9 PM. I was getting a little bored last night waiting for my friends to pick me up, but I remembered my challange and I was able to resist snack. I can't believe I have gone out to two show in a row and not purchased one single drink! Another big feat is that fact that I did not snack when I got home from those shows. Last night I did not get home until 2 AM, but the show was sooooo worth it.

I got up this morning and had my bowl of oatmeal and did a little HW. At one I went to the gym and did 60 minutes of cardio. I was trying to decide what I would have for lunch and I decided I was just going to get take out, so I went to Panera. I had the you pick 2 combo with a 1/2 smokehouse turkey sandwhich and a bowl of broccoli chedder soup. I know it is not the healthiest thing to eat, but I have the points and it was damn good. It was also very filling. Most likely I will just eat a small dinner. I probably won't watch the Super Bowl because I have so much homework to do, so I don't even have to worry about snacking. I did find a recipie for chicken fingers that I would like to try. It says to fry them, but I think I will modify it and bake them.

Time to finish my finance HW that I really don't feel like doing =(

I have been doing pretty well my first week really back on plan. My only downfall has been the triple chocolate chunk cookies at the cafe on campus. I have had 3 this week. I am not beating myself up over it because they were worth it and I had the points. It's not like I ate 3 in one sitting. I have been to the gym everyday I have planned. I took a break on Thursday. I got up this morning and was at the gym by 9:30 and did a hour of weights and 30 minutes of cardio. I haven't had anything to eat yet because I don't like to eat before I go to the gym and I just took a shower. I am planning on making some egg beaters with peppers and some oven fries. This afternoon I work a basketball game and I get free concessions food. This will be the real test. I am going to limit myself to one thing. It will either be a pretzel (the healthiest option), popcorn, or a hot dog.

I have gone 3 days without eating after 9 PM. Go me! After I got home at 1:30 AM I so wanted a snack, but I crawled into bed instead =)

I have peaked at the scale and I like what I see. I am not going to weight myself until my weigh in day on Tuesday.

I have proven to myself that I can get back on plan, now I just need to stick with it. Writing my week out on my whiteboard last Sunday really helped. I am going to do that again this week too. Also planning meals a day in advance has helped a lot too.

I hope everyone enjoys their Saturday =)

I didn't go to the gym today and I am ok with that. A day off is good every once in a while, but I will be back tomorrow.

I feel really tired today too.

I have eaten pretty well today too. No snacking. Night one of the no eating after 9 challenge is complete. 6 more to go. The weekend will be the big test especially with 2 late night shows on Friday and Saturday.

I am off to bed!

I have a major problem and involves eating late at night. I find that when I get bored I eat. And man did I eat last night. It was nothing too bad. I didn't really go over my points, but still I really need to work on that. I think I should set a goal of not eating past a certian time for a week and see how it goes. I think 9 PM would be a good number. Ok, so for a week starting tonight I will not eat past 9 PM. I will update you on the progess.

I hit the gym for 60 minutes of weights and 20 mintues of cardio. I have tomorrow marked as an off day on my calender, but I might be headed to the gym anyway.

I did pretty well eating wise except for the snack size smore cand bar I had at work ( I love those things!!! They are so damn good!) and the tootsie pop I had there too.

I hope everyone has had a good day!

I lost a pound this morning! The scale above reflects that. However, I have a feeling it is a fluke, because I surely didn't deserve it. Also I forgot to mention that yesterday I turned down 4 different lunch invites. I had planned to go to the gym at lunch and I stuck with my plan. Normally I would have gone to lunch and then gone to work out (and had a crappy workout because I had just eaten) or skip the gym entirely. Go me! Here is to another day on plan!

I am feeling a gain tomorrow, but that is ok. I am back on plan and I stayed within my points today. I think this was the first day in a looooong time that that has happened.

So my first day back on plan has gone pretty well. I had oatmeal for breakfast. I forgot my apple that I was planning on having for a snack. So I had a mini kit kat instead. Not so good, but I journaled the 3 points and I will move on. After work I went to the gym. I fit in an hour of weights and 20 minutes of cardio. I had a smart ones for luch for 4 points and I added some veggies to eat for 2 more points.

Right now I am trying to figure out what I will have for dinner and a snack.

I hope everyone has had a wonderful Monday!

Keep the comments coming. I know there are more of you out there!

I had a realization on my walk to the gym this morning. I have not really lost any weight in the past few months and I haven't gained, but my behavior hasn't been deserving of a loss. I am not journaling like I used to, I am not measuring our portions like I used to, and I am not excercising like I used to. Hopefully that will all change soon. I am working less than 20 hours this week and I want to focus on myself.

I did make it to the gym today. I did over an hour of weights and 25 minutes on the bike. Go me!

I have a request. If you read my blog please comment to this post =) I promise I don't bite. I am just curious to see who actually reads this thing. I am hoping you all can provide me with some inspiration to keep going with this weight loss thing. Also, I would love to find some new reads =) So just do it!!!

I have just been doing sooo poorly. I did not gain or lose this week I stayed at 237. With the way I ate this week and the amount of crap I ate this week also, I will be really happy if I am still in the 230's. It probably doesn't help that I have only been going to the gym about 4 days a week. I really didn't feel like going at all today, but I forced myself. I did about 20 minutes of weights and 40 minutes of cardio.

It is not good that I ate Sonic tonight for dinner. I had onion rings and a cheese burger. At least I shared my onion rings with my roomate. Tomorrow I will definitly be going to the gym. I know I can do this.

Today in the mail I got the clothes I ordered from American Eagle. I ordered a pink long sleave polo shirt and a pink striped polo t-shirt. I ordered them online because they carry XXL. They fit. Hopefully I will be in XL and can shop in the store.

This week I plan on ordering a pair of jeans from the Gap =)

So I am going to be truthful with you all: last week was awful! Despite my good intentions stress and work got the best of me. I made it to the gym on Tuesday and that is it! That is so bad. I love the gym too! However, my schedule is really crazy this semester and the gym was the last thing on my mind after working all day long. So my goal for this week is to go to the gym, not matter how tired I may be. I already know that Wednesday is out of the question I will be working form 8:30-10 or 11 PM. I really want to make this work. Food wise, the large bag a plain M&Ms and the large bag of Mint M&Ms really don't fit into my eating plan. Now they are gone and they won't be there to tempt me. Also, I will not be buying any Valentines Day candy this year. It is too much of a temptation. This means Little Debbie snack cakes which are such a weakness for me!

I did go to the gym today. I only did an hour of cardio, but that is much better than nothing at all.

I weighed 237 on Tuesday. Hopefully I can maintain. If you haven't noticed, there is a spiffy new tracker at the top of this site. I just need to remember to update it each week =)

I hope everyone has a glorious Monday! I already have my oatmeal packet ready for the morning and my apple ready for my snack. I am also going to meet my roomie for lunch. So dinner is the only thing I have yet to plan!

I need to get real with myself. I have not lost any weight at all since my birthday at the end of September. I keep losing and gaining the same 3 pounds. I am the only one to blame. My one saving grace has been that I love to go the gym (in fact I am sad that the campus gym is closed today). I could only imagine what I would weigh if I had stopped exercising. I do consider myself very lucky that I have been able to maintain for 3 1/2 months, but I need to start losing again. The jeans that were only supposed to be for a few weeks or a month are now my regular jeans. I have jeans sitting in my closet that I want to wear soooo badly.

Sooo, today I am back on the plan. I need to do this for myself. I ate out entirely way too much last semester without thinking about my choices. I was successful for 8 months, so I KNOW how to do this. I will do it. I am asking you all to help keep me in check. If you are lurker or just stumbled upon my blog welcome! Old friends, I am thankful for you and love hearing from you. It is my hope that I can be more honest with myself and with all of you and lose some weight along the way =)

Oh man here is another doozy. One of the most beautiful places in the world (George,WA) and I look awful! 

Ok, here I am 2 weeks ago. It is not a full body shot, but I am feeling much better about myself then when I was 17. 

Ok, I needed to do this a while ago. Here is a dreaded before picture. I hadn't left for college yet, so I was still 17. Check out those arms and gut. 

I know what I need to do it is just a matter of doing it. With this past week being the first week of classes it has been difficult to set a schedule. I have been working more hours than I have been expecting though. I am not complaining, but my workouts have definitly taken a back burner. I worked out Wednesday morning and today. I am going back when I get off work to finish my cardio. When I got to the gym at 9:30 AM there were 2 other people there. By the time I left at 11 AM there were at least 30 people there. I wanted to do some more cardio, but someone was on the machine I wanted to use.

I have class pretty much all day Tuesday and Thursday until 3:15 and then I will work in the box office from either 3:30/4-6. So I need to start going to the gym after I get off on those days no matter how tired I am.

I work Monday/Wednesday/Friday from 8:30-12:30, but that schedule is flexible. I might have to start working out after that job and before I go to the box office. However, I would have to shower before I cam to my second job. I think it will definitly take another week to figure out what works best for me.

I swear, I am alive. I was 235 this week. I swear. I will never reach the 220's. Maybe that should be my goal by graduation? Hmm. Ok. I guess that was just a little tease. I am off to bed. Hopefully I can post more from work tomorrow.

Despite having an amazing worjout with my trainer and weighing in at around 234 at the gym, it is definitly a fat day. I went into Aeropastale, Victoria Secret, American Eagle and the Gap at the mall today. I felt like all the salespeople were thinking to themselves that she shouldn't be here because she can't fit in to any of the clothes here. I am sure it was all in my head.

My trainer thinks I could get to 160-165. Hmm, that seems pretty low to me, but only time will tell what my true goal weight should be.

I hope everyone has had a great new year. I am definitly ready to get back to school and get back into a schedule!

Eating at home is always hard. There are so many good things that I want to eat that I don't normally get at school. It is hard to believe that I have really changed my lifestyle. Even though I still indulge in some treats, I am always able to bring things back in check.

I am starting off the new year at 238 lbs. This has not been my lowest weight of my journey. That would be 233. I feel like that was eons ago when it was maybe just a month ago. I know I can get back down to that weight. I really wanted to be in the 220's by January 1st. That didn't happen. I am not upset.

Something that would have never happened a year ago was excercise. I told myself I was going to take the day off, but I actually ended up riding my brothers bike. I did the 6 mile bike route in about 40 minutes =)

I have to run to the store.

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!