Friday, August 29, 2008

A lot of you know that I am a big Dave Matthews Band fan. I went to my first show in 1996 and have been listening to them since 1995. That's 13 years, half of my adult life. Besides parents and a few close friends, that is one of the longest relationships I've had. I have always had a love of music, but this band has helped me to really appreciate music. I think I probably would not be living and working where I do now if it wasn't because of them. I also have made some amazing friends over the years by attending shows. While I don't know or even pretend to know the band personally, the death of saxophonist LeRoi Moore has been shocking.

It wasn't until a few minutes ago, while reading an article about his funeral that took place this week, that I realized he was really gone. I would never see the Dave Matthews Band that has been a part of my life for the past 13 years again. Sure I will see them, but it won't be the same. I am not saying I won't enjoy it, it will just be different.

I have always sort of liked Roi because he played the flute (I played for 3 years in jr. high) and the saxophone among other instruments. But he was also a larger man and for 8 of those 13 years I was large too. I know this might seem like a weird reason to like someone, but for me it symbolized he was like me.

At LeRoi's funeral Dave Matthews said "Roi loved people, but he had the hardest time loving himself, and that was the most difficult thing about being his friend for me, watching him torture himself."

I love people, but I will admit I have a hard time loving myself. I am working on it though. I don't want to torture myself with what I can and can't eat, with my stomach rolls, or worrying if I have exercised enough anymore. I just want to live and love as best as I can.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Recovering Fat Girl

Sometimes I think I will always binge/overeat every once in a while. However, my binge could also be seen as slightly larger than a snack or maybe a large meal out of junk food? Maybe I am just trying to justify what I just ate. Anyway, I just ate some plain and peanut M&M's, and some dry roasted peanuts, because obviously the peanuts in the M&M's weren't enough for me. (oh and I forgot about the mini almond joy! mmmmm coconutty goodness)

What I am now calling a binge is not what I would have called a binge in the past. In the past I would have kept going back for more, unable to stop or realize that I was making myself sick. Also, I didn't even touch all the other crap that was back there which included Krispy Kreme donuts, cinnamon rolls, M&M cookies, chex mix, chips, twinkies, rice krispie treats, and brownies. So that's good, right?

So my eating habits have changed drastically, but man oh man is some of that stuff hard to resist.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Yummy Dinner

I just had a great dinner. I have no clue how many calories or fat grams or carbs were in it and I am ok with that. I had chicken satay with a peanut dipping sauce over a bed of spicy coleslaw, sweet potato fries with wasabi mayonnaise, and wasabi peas. Oh. My. God. Thank goodness I haven't actually realized how good this place was until now. It is literally a 2 minute walk from my office. Thankfully it is a little pricey. While the food is great, my pocket book needs to stay in check.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Weekend Recap

I went to the ATL this weekend. I left Nashville around 6:30 and stopped in Murfreesboro for dinner at Red Robin. Made it to ATL around 12:30 AM. My friend and I also stopped just outside of Chattanooga to go to the bathroom and to get a soda. Despite the time the Wendy's was crowded. Some backwoods church group was dining in. I know they were backwoods because I later looked up the name of the city that was on their church bus, just to figure out where they were from. They were all dressed so strangely (really conservative, like I wouldn't even know where to buy the clothes they had). I said something about how they were dressed to my friend and she pointed out that they probably were saying the same about me. I was showing my knees even though my skirt was long and I had a top on that would be a dress on most, but is too short so I wear it as a long top. It's been a while since I have seen people like that...I almost felt like I was home in WV.

Anyway, on Saturday we got up early and headed to IKEA. I stayed within my created budget (yeah!!!!) and got some really great things for the place. Once I get it all together I will take pictures. After Ikea, lunch at Chipotle. Chicken burrito salad with no rice or chips for me! Headed to Trader Joes to pick up snack items for the dinner we took to Chastain: red wine, french bread, brie, cheddar cheese, salami, almonds, crasins, rasberries, cherries, and blueberries. Yummy! I ate everything but the bread! Why you might ask? I am trying really hard to limit my flour and processed sugar intake. I know there is sugar in the crasins and other stuff I eat, but baby steps here folks and moderation.

I have been eating like that since I got back from Seattle. Last Tuesday I was at 205 and today I was at 196. I know some of that was water weight. Hello cankles from flying. They were horrible! I haven't been snacking as much either. I only went to the gym twice last week, and mainly tried to focus on my eating.

So back to the ATL, the show at Chastain was awesome. It did rain slightly, but thank goodness for rain jackets!. The next morning I slept in and finished Twilight. I have the other books ordered and can't wait to start them. Hit the road around 11:30 and stopped at Panera for lunch. Back in Nashville by about 2:30.

This week has just booked up. I have some activity every night this week. I work a half day on Friday and then it is off to ATL again to see John Mayer!

I hope everyone had a great weekend!