Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The Return to the Gym

I haven't been to the gym regularly since mid-October. So for more than a month, I haven't been on any sort of exercise schedule except for a minimum of two runs a week. And I have been eating whatever the hell I feel like. This is all pretty much a recipe for disaster. And it's the first time in almost 7 years I have let it get this out of control. I am trying really hard not to beat myself up about it, but it's hard. Clothes don't fit the way they once did. Flab hangs over my pants. I am just softer in general.

But this week I have made a conscious effort to make some changes. I went to the gym for a second time in a row today. I went to a new yoga class that I really enjoyed and I did the arc trainer for 60 minutes. Even though I felt good and better about myself while I was doing these activities, it was still hard. I would catch glimpses of myself in the mirrored classroom and instantly notice my stomach rolls. Or when we would hold our arms out I would notice the flags on my arms and wonder if anyone else sees them or is it just me? When I was on the arc trainer I noticed my pants didn't quite fit how I like them too. This was all a little frustrating and saddening. Frustrating because I know what kind of work I am going to have to do to get back to where I want to be and saddening because I let it all happen. Were those Peanut M&M's really worth it? How about that Sweet Ce Ce's Fro Yo? And what about all of the other crap I ate? No it wasn't really worth it, but what is done is done. I can only change from this point forward.

Despite all of these upsetting realizations, I also knew I needed to tell myself I have come a long way. And sometimes pictures are the best way to show ourselves just how far we have come. I also know what helped me to lose so much of the weight. Tracking Weight Watchers points and lots and lots of cardio and weights.

August 6, 2003
2003-08-06-4

November 13, 2010
IMG_6511

Both pictures are taken with a good DMB friend of mine. I picked them because it's a pretty good comparison of how drastically my weight changed, especially next to him.

There is no way I would want to be where I was in 2003 ever again. That summer and following semester are where I hit my all time highest weight. I look back at the pictures from that time and I can't really believe it is me.

I need to learn to not be so hard on myself. In the end, a few pounds in the grand scheme of 100+ lbs weight loss really isn't that big of a deal.

I am thankful that I know what I need to do, even if it will take me a while to get there.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Change of Plans

So I didn't get up this morning and go to the gym. Instead I slept in and got 9 hours of sleep. When I woke up? I felt the best I had felt in a week! No puffy eyes either. I also didn't have to drag myself out of bed to get ready either. So I packed my gym bag, made my lunch, and had a great breakfast of a bagel thin with almond butter and a banana and I was only a few minutes late to work!

Immediately after work I high tailed it to the Y with my US Weekly and my iPod. My 60 minutes and the arc trainer flew by and I just felt better. Sweat and all. I headed home, but not without a quick stop for a diet coke, to start dinner. No clue what I was going to make either. I ended up cutting up a yukon gold potato, coating with olive oil, and a spice mix of garlic, cayenne pepper, and salt and baking in the oven. So, so good. So good when my roommate came home she tried one and then I told her how she could make it and she made the exact same thing. I also had some leftover salad with tomatoes and a garbanzo/green bean/kalamata olive/balsamic vinegar combo I put together.

Now I know a lot of you read The Pioneer Woman. But, I am not sure how many of you have seen her Thanksgiving throw down with Bobby Flay. I watched it last week and the Pumpkin Bread Pudding totally caught my eye. I didn't make the bread pudding tonight, but I did make his pumpkin bread recipe used in the bread pudding. I added chocolate chips to one loaf (I made a double batch.). And this might be one of my favorite pumpkin breads. And it would be simply decadent if you used it for french toast!

And even though I made not one, but loaves, I had two tiny slivers with a glass of milk. The rest of it is going to work tomorrow!

Oh, and I have issued myself a challenge of sorts. I weighed myself this morning and it wasn't pretty. At. All. And I have decided I am going to LOSE weight this holiday season. Anyone else with me or am I the only crazy one?


Sunday, November 21, 2010

The Carrot in Front of the Horse

Confessions:
  • I bought a magazine (US Weekly) in order to make myself go to the gym tomorrow morning.
  • I don't remember the last time I went to the gym.
  • I didn't go on my long run this morning...my running buddy bailed, I have been sick, and my feet have been bothering me.
  • I have been sick since I got back from NYC. I have been going to bed early...some nights before 10 and sleeping until about 7, if can.
  • Something is not right with my feet, they have been sore since my run on Wednesday. Today was the first day they started to feel better.
  • I made banana bread and it was only ok. My roommate thinks it's awesome, but she can't bake, so anything homemade is awesome to her.
  • I am going to Springfield, MO this year for Thanksgiving. While Thanksgiving is my FAVORITE holiday, I'm a little nervous about the unfamiliarity of Springfield. I've never been there and I don't know my way around. It's not like I really hung out with any high school friends in Charleston, but at least I knew where things were. I guess I need to get used to it...I'm going to Springfield for Christmas too. And I am dreaming of a flight to Springfield at Christmas. 7 hour drive. One.Way. UGH.
  • I am still suffering from post vacation depression, but at least I have Thanksgiving this week!