The Return to the Gym

I haven't been to the gym regularly since mid-October. So for more than a month, I haven't been on any sort of exercise schedule except for a minimum of two runs a week. And I have been eating whatever the hell I feel like. This is all pretty much a recipe for disaster. And it's the first time in almost 7 years I have let it get this out of control. I am trying really hard not to beat myself up about it, but it's hard. Clothes don't fit the way they once did. Flab hangs over my pants. I am just softer in general.

But this week I have made a conscious effort to make some changes. I went to the gym for a second time in a row today. I went to a new yoga class that I really enjoyed and I did the arc trainer for 60 minutes. Even though I felt good and better about myself while I was doing these activities, it was still hard. I would catch glimpses of myself in the mirrored classroom and instantly notice my stomach rolls. Or when we would hold our arms out I would notice the flags on my arms and wonder if anyone else sees them or is it just me? When I was on the arc trainer I noticed my pants didn't quite fit how I like them too. This was all a little frustrating and saddening. Frustrating because I know what kind of work I am going to have to do to get back to where I want to be and saddening because I let it all happen. Were those Peanut M&M's really worth it? How about that Sweet Ce Ce's Fro Yo? And what about all of the other crap I ate? No it wasn't really worth it, but what is done is done. I can only change from this point forward.

Despite all of these upsetting realizations, I also knew I needed to tell myself I have come a long way. And sometimes pictures are the best way to show ourselves just how far we have come. I also know what helped me to lose so much of the weight. Tracking Weight Watchers points and lots and lots of cardio and weights.

August 6, 2003

November 13, 2010

Both pictures are taken with a good DMB friend of mine. I picked them because it's a pretty good comparison of how drastically my weight changed, especially next to him.

There is no way I would want to be where I was in 2003 ever again. That summer and following semester are where I hit my all time highest weight. I look back at the pictures from that time and I can't really believe it is me.

I need to learn to not be so hard on myself. In the end, a few pounds in the grand scheme of 100+ lbs weight loss really isn't that big of a deal.

I am thankful that I know what I need to do, even if it will take me a while to get there.

Change of Plans

So I didn't get up this morning and go to the gym. Instead I slept in and got 9 hours of sleep. When I woke up? I felt the best I had felt in a week! No puffy eyes either. I also didn't have to drag myself out of bed to get ready either. So I packed my gym bag, made my lunch, and had a great breakfast of a bagel thin with almond butter and a banana and I was only a few minutes late to work!

Immediately after work I high tailed it to the Y with my US Weekly and my iPod. My 60 minutes and the arc trainer flew by and I just felt better. Sweat and all. I headed home, but not without a quick stop for a diet coke, to start dinner. No clue what I was going to make either. I ended up cutting up a yukon gold potato, coating with olive oil, and a spice mix of garlic, cayenne pepper, and salt and baking in the oven. So, so good. So good when my roommate came home she tried one and then I told her how she could make it and she made the exact same thing. I also had some leftover salad with tomatoes and a garbanzo/green bean/kalamata olive/balsamic vinegar combo I put together.

Now I know a lot of you read The Pioneer Woman. But, I am not sure how many of you have seen her Thanksgiving throw down with Bobby Flay. I watched it last week and the Pumpkin Bread Pudding totally caught my eye. I didn't make the bread pudding tonight, but I did make his pumpkin bread recipe used in the bread pudding. I added chocolate chips to one loaf (I made a double batch.). And this might be one of my favorite pumpkin breads. And it would be simply decadent if you used it for french toast!

And even though I made not one, but loaves, I had two tiny slivers with a glass of milk. The rest of it is going to work tomorrow!

Oh, and I have issued myself a challenge of sorts. I weighed myself this morning and it wasn't pretty. At. All. And I have decided I am going to LOSE weight this holiday season. Anyone else with me or am I the only crazy one?

The Carrot in Front of the Horse

Confessions:

• I bought a magazine (US Weekly) in order to make myself go to the gym tomorrow morning.
• I don't remember the last time I went to the gym.
• I didn't go on my long run this morning...my running buddy bailed, I have been sick, and my feet have been bothering me.
• I have been sick since I got back from NYC. I have been going to bed early...some nights before 10 and sleeping until about 7, if can.
• Something is not right with my feet, they have been sore since my run on Wednesday. Today was the first day they started to feel better.
• I made banana bread and it was only ok. My roommate thinks it's awesome, but she can't bake, so anything homemade is awesome to her.
• I am going to Springfield, MO this year for Thanksgiving. While Thanksgiving is my FAVORITE holiday, I'm a little nervous about the unfamiliarity of Springfield. I've never been there and I don't know my way around. It's not like I really hung out with any high school friends in Charleston, but at least I knew where things were. I guess I need to get used to it...I'm going to Springfield for Christmas too. And I am dreaming of a flight to Springfield at Christmas. 7 hour drive. One.Way. UGH.
• I am still suffering from post vacation depression, but at least I have Thanksgiving this week!