Saturday, February 16, 2008

Emotionally Drained

I feel so emotionally drained right now. It has been a difficult week between goings on at work, thinking about moving, applying for jobs, and supporting my friends, oh and school. Supporting my friends has been interesting. Two of my closest friends are going through some situations both with older guys. Since I have been through a relationship with an older guy, they now seek my counsel. I am so not the person they need to be talking to, because I look back on it now it it almost seems like my past relationship was doomed from the beginning. So it makes it a little hard to be supportive. So it has brought back a lot of memories (as I type this I am listening to lately...and I am about to put in Brandi Carlile). In high school I was never the girl other girls confided in and now I feel like girls are. It's sort of weird.

So I went to Anthropologie today. I tried on the dress I had been in love with and wanted to buy...but had yet to try on. I tried it on and while a size 10 fit and my friend said it looked great, I really wanted it to be just a bit longer. I ended up not buying it. But I bought in awesome denim Jakie O type cropped denim jacket for $49.95 normally $168! I had some problems installing the new operating system yesterday so I had to go to the genius bar today. My computer is up and running, but now I have to transfer a bunch of stuff...

Yesterday I went to my cheers bar with my friends. As I walked in I immediately saw two of the ex's good friends who I haven't seen since August. I immediately felt awkward, but they were so nice and generally seemed nice. One of them even gave me a hug. For dinner last night I didn't order really order a meal. I didn't want meat at all. I just ordered the house made potato chips and shared with my friends and then the thin mint chocolate mouse which was SO yummy. I am super proud of my choices, while not the healthiest options I ordered what I wanted. Oh and the waitress told me I looked like Scarlet Johansson. I don't see it, but it was a nice compliment all the same.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Compliments can go a long way

I received two compliments today telling me that I looked great (and looked skinny). Now a long time ago I would have not taken this as a compliment at all. I immediately would have thought, "Thanks, so you are telling me I look great now, what did I look like before" and "Oh so I am looking skinny now, I must have looked fat before." Now I am able to except the compliment and move on. I have been working really hard this week and the weeks prior to my cruise and I feel like people have noticed! People who I haven't seen since Christmas noticed I have been working hard. It made me smile and feel good. I need to remember that moment the next time I am feeling down about myself.

Last night I didn't end up going out with my friends. We decided we didn't want to deal with the mess that is downtown and grabbing dinner together probably wouldn't be the best idea. So I stayed home. I wasn't anti-social. I was pro-me. I watched a few episodes of Flight of the Conchords, had my favorite breakfast for dinner of oatmeal with crasains, and worked on transcribing notes from an interview I did for the case study I am writing. I also worked on questions and research for the meeting I had this morning for the case study. About the case study, I had a little freak out at the gym yesterday as I was reading samples of past case studies, including a case study written by my professor and another grad student which just won entrepreneurial case study of the year. I thought I totally wasn't qualified to be writing one of these things. Then I realized that my professor asked me to do this. He obviously thought I was capable of researching and writing one of these bad boys. (Take that Informations Systems Management Biznatch who told me I couldn't write!) So a little bit of the stress went away. Now I just need to get my but in gear.

Yesterday I also got a Valentine's Day package from my mom. She sent me a lovely Vera Bradley laptop case. Some hair straightening product. Some red lips with 1 regular sized package of kissables and a heart shaped tin with 3 snack size packages of M&M's. She also sent a book of Small Italian towns and a magazine. A pretty awesome package if I do say so myself. The perfect mix of goodies.

Tonight I am getting dinner with friends at a TBD location. Tomorrow I am going shopping and hopefully buying my Steeplechase dress at Anthropologie. I just haven't had time to go try it on. They still have it online so if all else fails, I can guess my size. I need to hang out with my little tomorrow evening. I also need to get a manicure at some point during the weekend too. I have a group meeting on Sunday so I need to prepare for that. So add homework to the to do list as well.

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

The Perfect Song for the Moment

In case you didn't know I love music. I usually start my day by streaming a radio show. This morning I heard a particularly great song by The Helio Sequence, Lately. Give it a listen and thank me later. Oh I also love sending songs to a friend and the fact that she also agreed it was perfect.


Lately I don’t think of you at all
Or wonder what you’re up to
Or how you’re getting on
I never think of calling you
Or how things could have been
Or wonder where you sleep at night
Or whose arms you wake in
I’m living alone, living alone
I don’t need you anymore
I’m living alone, living alone
I don’t need you anymore
I don’t get lost in daydreams
I never lay awake at night
Staring in my bed
And I don’t think about your face
Or anything you’ve said
And I don’t think twice
When someone says your name
Or twist my mind in circles
Wondering which of us to blame
I’m living alone, living alone
I don’t need you, anymore
Living alone, living alone
I don’t need you anymore
I never walk alone and think
Of all the empty words
Or wonder when the day will break
Or when the time will turn
And I don’t break down
When someone says your name
Or twist my mind in circles
Wondering which of us to blame
I’m living alone, living alone
I don’t need you anymore
Living alone living alone
I don’t need you anymore
Lately I don’t think of you at all
Oh, lately

Happy Valentine's Day!

Even though I am single, it it still nice to let those close to me know how much I love them and appreciate. I try to do this all the time though. Anyway tonight the plans are to attend the 80's cover band show with possible dinner/drinks/dessert beforehand.

Yesterday was great. I ate out twice and made it to the gym before dinner with my friend. We had dinner at my favorite bar which I consider my Cheers. They know my name, they know my drink, and make me feel welcome. Basically they are doing a great job at their job. For dinner my friend and I split the house chips with blue cheese and gorgonzola dipping sauce. For dinner I had a small bowl of Broccoli beer cheddar soup. We went to another bar and I didn't have a drink. When I got home I had a 100 calorie chips ahoy candy bites pack. Overall I am very proud of my choices.

So to see if yesterdays weigh in was a fluke so I stepped on the scale this morning. It was the same as yesterday! Also, the jeans that I am wearing today are really lose. I haven't worn this particular pair in a while and it might to time to retire them soon.

Have a great Valentine's Day!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

This or That

Seattle or Nashville.
Seattle or Nashville.
Seattle or Nashville.

I hate this part of my personality. The part that wants to have everything planned out. I mean I don't really graduate until May (classes done in March!!!!) My lease on my place isn't up until August 1. I have a good job with great benefits. I have been thinking about a lot tonight. I just need a sign.

It's Snowing!

It's snowing in Nashville! It probably won't accumulate to anything though. I could really go for a nice snow day with a warm cup of hot chocolate, a good book, and staying in bed. Sadly, I am at work.

I applied for another job last night in Seattle. I have another one I need to apply for tonight. I really don't mind writing cover letters, they just take a while.

Since I am supposed to be eating out twice today (weather depending), I hopped on the scale this morning to see how I was doing. I am not quite sure how this is possible, but the scale said I was 189. I got off and on a couple of times to make sure it stuck. It did. It's either a fluke or I really am 189. Anyway, I am using this as motivation to make wise choices the next two days and the rest of the week.

Happy Wednesday!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

It's that time of year again...

It's Girl Scout Cookie time. Oh yes, and yesterday my six, yes six, boxes were delivered to me. 3 Samooas, 1 thin mint, and 2 lemon cream. Umm, so I have a slight problem on my hands. I had one Samoa yesterday and put the rest in a zip lock bag. The rest of my cookies are under my desk at work. I am less likely to eat them if they are at work. Plus the one that I had yesterday was not part of my planned points and it was good, but almost not worth it. I didn't have one today and I am ok with that.

Work has been long and trying the past two days. I am ready for a change, a challenge, support, anything! I just find myself getting frustrated and I don't see it getting any better. It sucks because I find myself withdrawn from my co-workers and basically just doing what I have to do.

Eating has been fine the past 2 days and I have walked on the treadmill during lunch as well! Tomorrow I am eating lunch and dinner out so it will probably be a higher then normal points day. Thursday I am most likely eating out with friends before we go to a concert. We are going to see the 80's cover band we saw at New Years. Yeah!!!!

I am off to send some resumes...

Monday, February 11, 2008

Weekly Weigh In

I was at 194 this morning. That is up 1 lb since the last time I weighed myself and I am ok with it. I have had 2 weeks of bad eating and irregular work outs.

Yesterday was great. I ate well. I worked out at the gym. I re-stocked the fridge and pantry with lots of healthy options. I even went to dodgeball practice and ran around outside for a little over an hour. I have got a busy week ahead, but I feel pretty prepared to face whatever comes my way.

Happy Monday!

Sunday, February 10, 2008


I had a mini panic attack at the gym which basically consists of me thinking about a gazillion things and then freaking out internally. You would probably never even known what I was going through because I don't think it really shows. I was able to get out of bed this morning without a problem and get to the gym. I did weights for 30 minutes and then I really just wanted to go home. Instead I forced myself onto the treadclimber where I stayed for the next 60 minutes. One of the things I am struggling with is trying to get the work/life/gym balance. Sometimes I feel like if I am not working out for hours it's not worth it or I am cheating myself. None of which is really true. Other things going through my mind were class work and how I feel like I haven't really been keeping up and I have an assignment due tomorrow. I think this whole graduation thing right around the corner is freaking me out a bit.

I got my car fixed and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Yesterday was a lazy day. I did buy a really cute Valentine Day card kit at target yesterday and made 2 of the 8 cards. I watched a little Flight of the Concords and went to bed early.

On tap for today is dodgeball practice, grocery store, and homework! What fun!