A lot of you know that I am a big Dave Matthews Band fan. I went to my first show in 1996 and have been listening to them since 1995. That's 13 years, half of my adult life. Besides parents and a few close friends, that is one of the longest relationships I've had. I have always had a love of music, but this band has helped me to really appreciate music. I think I probably would not be living and working where I do now if it wasn't because of them. I also have made some amazing friends over the years by attending shows. While I don't know or even pretend to know the band personally, the death of saxophonist LeRoi Moore has been shocking.

It wasn't until a few minutes ago, while reading an article about his funeral that took place this week, that I realized he was really gone. I would never see the Dave Matthews Band that has been a part of my life for the past 13 years again. Sure I will see them, but it won't be the same. I am not saying I won't enjoy it, it will just be different.

I have always sort of liked Roi because he played the flute (I played for 3 years in jr. high) and the saxophone among other instruments. But he was also a larger man and for 8 of those 13 years I was large too. I know this might seem like a weird reason to like someone, but for me it symbolized he was like me.

At LeRoi's funeral Dave Matthews said "Roi loved people, but he had the hardest time loving himself, and that was the most difficult thing about being his friend for me, watching him torture himself."

I love people, but I will admit I have a hard time loving myself. I am working on it though. I don't want to torture myself with what I can and can't eat, with my stomach rolls, or worrying if I have exercised enough anymore. I just want to live and love as best as I can.