The Return to the Gym

I haven't been to the gym regularly since mid-October. So for more than a month, I haven't been on any sort of exercise schedule except for a minimum of two runs a week. And I have been eating whatever the hell I feel like. This is all pretty much a recipe for disaster. And it's the first time in almost 7 years I have let it get this out of control. I am trying really hard not to beat myself up about it, but it's hard. Clothes don't fit the way they once did. Flab hangs over my pants. I am just softer in general.

But this week I have made a conscious effort to make some changes. I went to the gym for a second time in a row today. I went to a new yoga class that I really enjoyed and I did the arc trainer for 60 minutes. Even though I felt good and better about myself while I was doing these activities, it was still hard. I would catch glimpses of myself in the mirrored classroom and instantly notice my stomach rolls. Or when we would hold our arms out I would notice the flags on my arms and wonder if anyone else sees them or is it just me? When I was on the arc trainer I noticed my pants didn't quite fit how I like them too. This was all a little frustrating and saddening. Frustrating because I know what kind of work I am going to have to do to get back to where I want to be and saddening because I let it all happen. Were those Peanut M&M's really worth it? How about that Sweet Ce Ce's Fro Yo? And what about all of the other crap I ate? No it wasn't really worth it, but what is done is done. I can only change from this point forward.

Despite all of these upsetting realizations, I also knew I needed to tell myself I have come a long way. And sometimes pictures are the best way to show ourselves just how far we have come. I also know what helped me to lose so much of the weight. Tracking Weight Watchers points and lots and lots of cardio and weights.

August 6, 2003

November 13, 2010

Both pictures are taken with a good DMB friend of mine. I picked them because it's a pretty good comparison of how drastically my weight changed, especially next to him.

There is no way I would want to be where I was in 2003 ever again. That summer and following semester are where I hit my all time highest weight. I look back at the pictures from that time and I can't really believe it is me.

I need to learn to not be so hard on myself. In the end, a few pounds in the grand scheme of 100+ lbs weight loss really isn't that big of a deal.

I am thankful that I know what I need to do, even if it will take me a while to get there.