Monday, April 07, 2008

America the Beautiful

I just got back from the screening of this documentary. It is a must see for anyone that has ever struggled with weight/body image/etc. At one point I was almost in tears because I could identify so closely with what was going on in the film

Speaking of body image, I don't have the best one of myself. But, I am working on it. I have been going to a counselor for the past month and it is the BEST decision I have made in a long time. I just got to a point where I really couldn't stay unhappy with my body. I have become a lot more aware of my feelings, how food makes me feel, and the actions of others. It has been a very enlightening experience. Since this is a public blog and a lot of the things I discuss with my counselor are pretty personal, I probably won't be sharing much of what happens, but I just wanted to let you all know it has been an amazing and eye opening experience. If you have any questions about the experience I would be more than happy to discuss them privately :)

I am also still learning about intuitive eating. One of the sections I just finished discussed ideal vs. realistic weight. Ideally I would never have to worry about my weight and I would be able to eat whatever I wanted. Ideally I would be able to try anything on and it would fit perfectly. Is that the case? No? Is it the case for most women/men? Probably not. So why am I tormenting myself with trying to get smaller? Good question.

I have maintained with in 10 lbs my weight for almost 2 years now. I can stay within that range and for the most part all of my clothes fit. However, some fit better at the upper range and some fit better at the lower thing. Yet, I still feel like a failure because I haven't lost what I ideal see as the last 25-30 lbs. I still beat myself up when I eat a muffin, even in the grand scheme of things I have had countless muffins over the past two years. I say I love food, but am I really enjoying it, if I beat myself up because I haven't lost the last 25-30 lbs? Nope, I feel guilt anytime I eat something "bad." Not anymore! I am not throwing in the towel, but I am really ready to appreciate and love my body. For the time being I feel I have reached a healthy weight and one that I KNOW I can maintain. I feel I have reached a REALISTIC weight. Besides my weight there are many other measures of health which need to be considered as well, all of which I fall into the healthy categories of. SO GO ME! I am healthy and I am ready to start enjoying my life and start living without guilt.

With all that being said, I will still blog about my feelings, food, and exercise. I know I am going to have fat days and I know I am going to have awesome days. I still want to be able to share them with you all!

5 comments:

Poonie said...

This is a great post, thanks for sharing this with us. Ideal vs. realistic goals and our relationship with food is something a lot of us need to think about.

Good for you for getting to this place! :-)

Amanda said...

I don't get to read often, but this blog post makes me so PROUD of you! I feel silly saying that, like a mom or something...but really. I am so happy that you are seeing how awesome you really are...because we can all see it!

Thanks for being an inspiration for me today!

M said...

so happy for you :)

Christie said...

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!

And I love how you worded everything here. You really spelled it out just right.

HUGS!

whats the skinny said...

feelings...they dominate so much of my eating, too. like, tonight, i was really disappointed and i decided i would just eat the left overs from dinner. hm...emotional eating? yes. but it seemed like a better alternative than getting crazy mad. although, i have to admit, my FIRST reaction was to go for a run (but i already had done that today). and my second reaction was to go to the mall and spend lots of money (but it was closed-and i don't have any). so, the food was my third choice. too easy.

thanks for being open about YOUR feelings because it helps me to know that i am not the only one with crazy body image problems. why, oh why?