Thursday, March 27, 2008

All or Nothing

I think I have an “All or Nothing” personality at times. I am either 100% on with exercise or food or not going to the gym at all and eating whatever I want. At times I have even managed to keep up with a gym routine and still eat as I pleased and be ok. When I am “on” it is good, but when I am “off” it is oh so bad. Time and time again I have done amazingly well for about a month and a half and then I will “slip up” and eat a cookie or a brownie (insert some other “off limit” food here) and I can’t stop eating. At that point I am like “fuck it” and I continue to eat even though I know I shouldn’t. The same thing goes if I binge on candy. I have already had 20 pieces. What’s 5 more going to matter?

Something I have been working on over the past few weeks is getting away from the good and bad days and labeling my food choices as good and bad. I think, at least for me, calling food choices as bad or good is harmful. While it was helpful a few years ago, it just isn’t anymore. I want to have a normal relationship with food and not stress out or feel anxious in social situations because of my food choices. I don’t want to feel like people are judging me based on my choices either (even though I know they could probably care less). I know a lot of this is in my head, but I still feel like the fat girl.

Small steps. Oh and I had 2 packages of mini eggs last night and I am OK with that 

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