Sunday, February 24, 2008

Back Yo Sh*t up!

So let me be a lesson to you all. I lost all of my pictures this week and the mac "genius" couldn't get them back. I also lost my iTunes, but I could care less about that, because I had a lot of it backed up and I can buy what I purchased. I actually didn't lose all of my pictures (thank god for flickr), but I lost 6 days of South Africa. I guess I am sort of numb to it. I mean I do have some pictures and I can get some pictures from friends, but still they are gone.

I also cried today. It has been MONTHS since I have cried. I think it finally all just got to me. The stress of the past week. School. My computer. Work. Job hunting. Moving. Not moving. Money. And I think you get the picture.

I ended up going to the gym for about 1.5 hours. I walked on the treadmill for about 30 minutes while waiting for a treadclimber to open up. I met a nice girl at the gym. I usually don't talk to people while I am there, but it was nice to talk to someone. She was also doing WW and had lost about 20 pounds since December.

I was in group meetings from 2-6:30 and I am so ready for school to be over with.

As far as eating goes today, I ate some fries with a wrap at dinner. I had oatmeal for breakfast and a salad for lunch. If the scale shows I maintained when I weigh tomorrow I will be pretty happy. It has been a long week. The first part of the week was great. The last part of the week has not been so great.

Sally asked me this week what my final goal weight was. For me, there is no easy answer to this question. There are generally two types of people trying to lose weight: those who have gained a bunch a weight and are trying to get to a previous weight and those who have always been overweight. I fall into the later category. I have never been a normal weight, well not that I can really remember. Looking at old pictures of myself there is a clear weight gain from first to second grade and I never looked back. I continued to gain weight. It wasn't until I was 21 that I finally decided to make a concentrated effort to actually lose weight. I read recently that you should aim for the weight you were when you were 18. Um that would be about 275 for me. No thanks. So as you can see I don't really have anything to go by. I do however have pictures of my gorgeous mother when she was my age from her wedding and when I was a toddler. She seriously looks like Princess Diana. She weighed in her 170's when she married my dad and that has always been a goal of mine. A way I measure this is to see if her wedding band fits. It has fit tightly the last few times I have tried it on, but I want it to slide on without any problems. So as of right now my goal is 175. I will see how my body looks and the amount of food, exercise needed to maintain that weight. My body could very well decide I am not meant to be in the 170's too.

Another factor I am dealing with is lose skin (and the idea that it might be contributing to a few of the extra pounds). My mom didn't have lose skin to deal with when she was in the 170's. I have a bit on my stomach which is really only noticeable when I bend over completely naked (nice graphic, I know). I also have some flags on my lower arms. I have quite a bit of muscle in my arm, but muscle doesn't hide loose skin. I personally think my legs are pretty unattractive even though they are pretty muscular, but I am working on it. I know my body is never going to be perfect and I am still adjusting to that idea. It's pretty hard to swallow especially considering how much work I have done. So with all that said, I am still really not sure what my end weight will be.

1 comment:

Sally Parrott Ashbrook said...

It is hard to decide when enough is enough after we are used to feeling/seeing ourselves at higher weights. Our childhood weight gain stories are pretty similar, though I wasn't nearly as fat in high school as I thought I was.

Interesting to read through your answer. :)