So here it is 2 years and 4 days to the date that I started my journey. I weighed a lot and I was in major denial. I would look at fat people and compare myself to them. I would tell myself things like “I didn’t look that fat.” and “I can carry more weight because I am taller.” Man I had myself fooled. When I went home over the Christmas holiday I looked through my pictures of my year in Europe. That year and the summer before it were the experiences young adults dream about. The summer of 2002 took me to 21 Dave Matthews Band shows, Bonnaroo, and countless friends and memories made. There is one experience from that summer when I was at Bonnaroo when I met my Dutch friend Esther. We were talking about something and she pointed out my stretch marks on my arms. I have no clue what we were talking about; I just know I was embarrassed. (Esther if you are reading this, I love you because you were the only one willing to point out the obvious! I wish a lot more of my friends would do that!) Anyway, for some reason that comment still wasn’t motivation to get my butt in gear. I ended the summer and head off to Italy for 8 months. While in Italy I didn’t really lose that much weight I just did a lot more walking. Anyway, I was looking at the pictures from those 8 months and I was disgusted at how fat I looked. I looked awful. It was just really painful for me to look at the pictures when I was at home.

When I look back and think about what made me decided to lead a healthier life by losing weight I couldn’t pin points it. Wait. Yes I can. It was when I got on the scale and it read 303. It is when the pants I liked, but were really too big started fitting right. Yes. It’s all coming back to me now.

So here I am 2 years later and at least 80 lbs lighter. Part of me is frustrated that I didn’t lose the weight quicker. I look at so many of the “success” stories in magazines like People, Weight Watchers, etc and I am just astonished at the people who have lost more than a hundred pounds in 2 years. Really I am jealous. I want to be thin and I want it now. Don’t even get me started on Star Jones!

So now with almost 1/3 of my weight gone you think I would be happier. I am not really sure I am at this moment. Sure I am healthier, but it seems like now I am constantly obsessed with food and exercise. I journal in spurts, but when I do it is obsessive. I can’t just go to the gym once a week. I must go every-single-day. (Since I have started going to the gym number of exercise pants I have worn out the crotch in: 3. Does this happen to skinny people too?)

I was reading through one of my previous posts about over eating at the cafeteria on campus. I went there today and I overate. I decided right now I am not going to go there anymore. There is no possible way I can go there and not overeat. And to be honest, the food isn’t that great. Sure I will be missing out on socializing every so often, but it’s not worth it to treat my body that way.

For dinner tonight I had my leftover Chicken pad thai. I probably could have picked a healthier dinner considering my lunch though. I went to the gym for the first time in a week and a half. I have been very busy packing and moving to my new place with a 5 minute commute to work and the gym! I did some light weights for 35 minutes and cardio for 40.

Tomorrow is the weigh in day. It will be the 2 year weigh in!

Hopefully this weekend I will have some time to update this site.