Hitting Rock Bottom

I think I have done it. I have hit rock bottom and things have to change. December has been a rough month. 2008 has been a rough year. It’s hard to even say that considering all the places I have traveled, friends I have visited, and accomplishments I have made. Don’t get me wrong I had some really good times this year, but I also had some horrible times that I don’t want to experience again. I am fighting the tears right now thinking about it all. I know some of this is partly hormonal, but nonetheless I need to say it.

I don’t think I have fully grasped the emotional ramifications of a stranger breaking into my apartment. It’s hard for me to comprehend someone having to steal from others because it is just something I wouldn’t do. I feel violated especially since my laptop was stolen. Who knows if they even looked at what was on it. But just knowing that someone had access to huge chunk of my life is scary. An uninvited person was in my bedroom. Nothing of my roommates was stolen so I lam left with lots of questions about it being targeted. Was it someone I knew? Was it a stranger? Why didn’t they steal more? Etc, etc. Now anytime I hear a noise or voice I am instantly on guard. And I have taken a whole lot more security measures now that this has happened. It wasn’t like I was unsafe before. So I am sure this whole things has created some stress.
I really need to take a step back and analyze why I drink (and eat). I drank entirely way too much yesterday and lost my cell phone. To be quite honest I am really surprised I haven’t died of alcohol poisoning or stupidity. I mean I don’t drink and drive at all, but I did fall last night. I think I was drinking to numb the pain and hurt. I don’t think I have mentioned this, but my ex is engaged. When I found out I wasn’t sad, but a little shocked at how quickly it all happened.

The last six months of 2008 have been like none other of my adult life. It’s the first time really as an adult that I have had disposable income and no constraints on time. I finished school and was freeeeeeeeeee. However, my workout routine struggled greatly. Dessert is an everyday kind of thing now. I have a social life. I am having a very hard time finding balance.
So 2009, is going to be the year of me. I am going to focus on me and if that means being less social, I am ok with it. Oh and it’s not starting on January 1, it’s starting today. While my food choices today were less than stellar, I am ok with it. I didn’t eat all the food that was on my plate at 2 of my 3 meals. That’s a start right? I also made it to the gym. Let me tell you. That was a struggle. I really didn’t want to go, plus I feel like I look horrible and shouldn’t be seen at the gym. Where is the logic in that one? I was on the arc trainer for 60 minutes and the treadmill for 7 minutes, 5 of which I ran.

So as not to end this post on a complete downer, I have some rather exciting news. Remember this post? Well I got a call from her this week and I have been asked to speak on a panel at this conference. So I feel completely unqualified, but this is an opportunity I can’t pass up. So, LA here I come in January!

Happy Holidays to you all! I am off to spend the holiday with my family in WV. Thank you all for your support and I look forward to ringing in 2009 with you all!

Since You All Asked...

"santa rampage saturday night downtown - m4w - 28

you walked around with the santa rampage through several bars. you were a little taller then most girls, but not that tall. absolutely beautiful. you had brownish hair with maybe some blonde highlights. multi colored sweater. i noticed you at every bar. of course i had a santa suit on, so this is a shot in the dark. but i know we made a lot of eye contact. at the last bar you were at, you were out dancing by the band, and i was standing off talking and chilling out. then i noticed you outside leaving. i really wanted to talk to you, but i started getting pretty drunk, and didn't want to make an ass out of myself. obviously, that got me absolutely nowhere, unless you reply. i would say tell me what i was wearing, but there were 178 other people wearing the same thing that night. great times though. i hope to hear from you!"

I did e-mail him and I got confirmation that I was indeed his missed connection. Now, I did make eye contact with a lot of the Santas because there were so interesting to look out. I saw this guy and while I don't particularly remember making "a lot of eye contact" I do remember him. SO with all of the being said, he asked me out and we might go out when I get back from the holidays.

So Much To Say

Didn't go to the gym today and I am ok with that. I did go yesterday after work and did about 20 minutes of weights and I ran intervals on the treadmill on cross country and I thought I was going to die. I however didn't and I will be going to the gym tomorrow after work though. My eating hasn't been great, but I am ok with it. I have never gone to WW meetings and I am seriously considering doing it. The scale was 205 on Monday. Clothes still aren't fitting right because I have lost muscle and gained fat...

So do you all know what Missed Connections are on Craigslist? Well, I secretly read them in hopes of finding one for a friend or about myself. Today someone posted one about me from the Santa event this past weekend. My roommate confirmed it was indeed about me. Kind of flattering. I can now check that wish off my list. Also, today I was presented with the possible opportunity to present at a conference in LA by my mentor. This opportunity would be HUGE. Like I would be mingling with the industry big wigs. It is something I am still trying to grasp my head around. If work doesn't pay for it, it might be one of those opportunities I can't pass up and will pay for myself...

I also got a giant gummy bear on a stick. This things weighs over 8 oz. and is pure awesomeness. At first I wasn't too excited about it, but it has brought me great joy.

Slow but Speeding...

Slowly I am getting back on track. Gym Thursday night. Walked on the treadmill during lunch on Friday. Gym on Saturday. And Gym today. Eating has been progressing nicely as well. When trying to get back on track I have found it best to limit my alcohol intake. Last night I volunteered to be the DD for Santa rampage. I had 2 drinks of the course of the night and lots of diet coke/pepsi. It was such a blast. I wore my ugly Christmas sweater and my rockin' new PINK COWBOY BOOTS! Ahh yeah. Also, I don't think I have been hit on as much as I was last night in my entire life. I think it was the sweater. Here we are at the 11th and last bar:


Here is the link to the entire album.

I just ordered my new camera on Friday so I was using my friends which I am not completely familiar with.

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend as well!